What About You?

My dad and I have been engaged in a dialogue over email lately that I appreciate very much.  We have been reflecting on work, inspiration, motivation and attitude...topics we have never approached together.  In his most recent message to me, after sharing some things that "keep him going", he asked me what keeps me going.  That was a couple of weeks ago, and the question has been floating over my shoulder as I have gone on with my normal activities.

At first glance, I thought assumed it was obvious.  I write about inspiration all the time on this very blog.  But then I realized that that is not the same thing.  The thoughts expressed on the blog get put there after I already found the keeping-going energy to an idea into words.  An item of knit or sewn clothing does not communicate of its own accord exactly what causes me to make it.

My dad listed his family members, including his children and grandchildren, as strong examples of what keeps him going, which is significant to me as the topic of procreation has taken up more persistent residence in my mind.  If we decide not to have kids, then what are we about?  It wouldn't be ok to suddenly pretend that we wanted kids just so we can understand what clearly defines us, but on the other hand, I can feel that I need something deeper for which to be aiming.  Plus, on paper, there is no actually good reason to have children, unless you are one of those rare souls who genuinely loves little ankle biters; I know there are a few of you out there.

I feel more energy lately; like I finally have some to spare after all of the moving and changes.  I've been looking for jobs, trying to be open to work that might be a good fit in my life, even if it isn't what I would have pictured in the past.  I'm noodling on how happy sewing and writing make me, and wondering if they are just hobbies or something more.  Wishing I would have thought more seriously about all of that when I was younger, instead of now, but also trying to make peace with the fact that I didn't.

For the last year or so, what has been keeping me going is the desire to be a strong and fruitful partner, the desire to use the opportunity that I have, that many people don't, to make changes to my professional path, and the desire to create the best life possible for us by tapping into the collective wisdom of our family and friends.

Also, I would be lying if I didn't add that the thought that we will move home some day (before we are ancient) also gets me off my bum sometimes.