It is New Year's Eve, a holiday that I adore. I'm a new-year super-geek. Even home with only a sleeping five-month-old and a glass of champagne, missing my husband and feeling a smidge lonely, I still love the new year. It is a holiday of closure but also possibilities, and I especially love possibilities. Everything is all fresh and tidy and optimistic again. A new year feels like a free pass to try and do things better this time, even if it wasn't great last time.
December 31, 2013
December 27, 2013
Happy Birthday!
My husband left today to go back to work in Angola. Today is also his birthday, and he was feeling a little old and slightly less than awesome when he left the house at 6:30 this morning, so I feel compelled to proclaim to the cyber-world some things that are awesome about him:
December 23, 2013
December 07, 2013
Rotation Mom
My husband works what is known in the oil industry as "a rotation". More specifically, it is known as "an even rotation", meaning that he works a certain number of days, and then goes on an identical number of "days off" (oil-speak for days of separation from work, or what normal people call the weekend or a vacation). The only way to experience the magic of an even rotation is to work somewhere that is considered a "hardship location" (oil-speak for places shitty and largely inaccessible to casual visitors or interested parties). When we met, he was working an even rotation (two weeks on, two weeks off) on the North Slope of Alaska. Currently he works an even rotation (four weeks on, four weeks off), in Luanda, the capital city of Angola. Some people actually do not consider Angola a shitty place to live, and expats are apparently flocking there. Even so, since it is nearly impossible to get a visitor visa, all food has to be imported, the civil war hasn't been over for that long, and possibly other reasons, it is still more commonly a rotation location than a transfer location.
The upshot of all of this is that for twenty-eight days in a row, I am not only home alone with a baby, but I am also separated by a seven-hour time difference for twenty-eight days from his dad, who is also my husband and my best friend. We depend on a strong internet connection for voice and video communication, and catching a flight for a quick visit is not an option. After those twenty-eight days pass, we are reunited as a family for what feels like twenty-eight days of weekend. I've started to leave the house a lot during that time, so he can see how it feels to be a single parent.
Just kidding.
You can't think like that if you choose to do life this way, even though I have been tempted to do so on the rough days. I imagine thinking like that is trouble and can only lead to bad blood and hurt feelings. I said that I would give this an honest try for a year, and I am doing my best to support our choice.
Rotation life is tricky, and I'm still not totally sold on it. It scares me to think of what could happen to our son if I got sick, and it's a bummer to not have a co-parent to check in with during a bout of screaming or a suspicious unidentified inflammation. At times it feels that we are living two entirely different lives, which in my opinion is not conducive the team-building vibe that marriage requires. Additionally, we have not yet figured out how to balance our needs for couple-time, family-time, friend-time, extended family time and maybe a non-family related vacation once and a while, all in exactly fifty percent of his days. As a result, I find myself clingy and cantankerous prior to his departures, which is not at all my way when times are normal. Also, it's just considerably less fun for twenty-eight days, plus a few awkward transition days on either end of the rotation.
I often wonder what others would do if they were in our shoes. If they reviewed the same math, weighed the pros and cons, and considered the true impact of the circumstances of their work lives, would they be tempted to try this, as we have been? What is their price? Everyone must have a price. We have weighed options, numbers, and calendars and on some level we must have determined that his particular day rate was worth the pain of the separation, at least temporarily. We have considered his schedule and concluded that having approximately 180 days off a year together without other obligations is worth living in separate countries for the other 180ish days. We have reflected on the fact that a full-time job for him in Houston would give him more frequent and regular time with our son (i.e. most evenings and weekends), but not necessarily more quality time with him since mornings and days are when he is the happiest and most interactive.
However, in spite of my doubt, I can report that some of the rumored perks of rotation life have surfaced now that I am emerging from my newborn-care cave. My husband has been home for a few weeks and many of the days have felt like a nice long weekend days with all of us spending time together and with him being a full-time dad, while giving me some breaks from my daily grind activities. We enjoy breakfasts out on weekdays and we share parenting duties very equitably. He gives me breaks to be crafty and get back in shape, I give him breaks to study for his master's degree. The other fifty percent of the time, we both have full-time jobs: his job is to support us financially and my job is to sustain the home and family operations. I'm still not convinced that I want this for the long term, but I hate it less this "hitch" than I did last time around, so who knows what our conclusion will be.
I'm curious who else out there who would try it.
The upshot of all of this is that for twenty-eight days in a row, I am not only home alone with a baby, but I am also separated by a seven-hour time difference for twenty-eight days from his dad, who is also my husband and my best friend. We depend on a strong internet connection for voice and video communication, and catching a flight for a quick visit is not an option. After those twenty-eight days pass, we are reunited as a family for what feels like twenty-eight days of weekend. I've started to leave the house a lot during that time, so he can see how it feels to be a single parent.
Just kidding.
You can't think like that if you choose to do life this way, even though I have been tempted to do so on the rough days. I imagine thinking like that is trouble and can only lead to bad blood and hurt feelings. I said that I would give this an honest try for a year, and I am doing my best to support our choice.
Rotation life is tricky, and I'm still not totally sold on it. It scares me to think of what could happen to our son if I got sick, and it's a bummer to not have a co-parent to check in with during a bout of screaming or a suspicious unidentified inflammation. At times it feels that we are living two entirely different lives, which in my opinion is not conducive the team-building vibe that marriage requires. Additionally, we have not yet figured out how to balance our needs for couple-time, family-time, friend-time, extended family time and maybe a non-family related vacation once and a while, all in exactly fifty percent of his days. As a result, I find myself clingy and cantankerous prior to his departures, which is not at all my way when times are normal. Also, it's just considerably less fun for twenty-eight days, plus a few awkward transition days on either end of the rotation.
I often wonder what others would do if they were in our shoes. If they reviewed the same math, weighed the pros and cons, and considered the true impact of the circumstances of their work lives, would they be tempted to try this, as we have been? What is their price? Everyone must have a price. We have weighed options, numbers, and calendars and on some level we must have determined that his particular day rate was worth the pain of the separation, at least temporarily. We have considered his schedule and concluded that having approximately 180 days off a year together without other obligations is worth living in separate countries for the other 180ish days. We have reflected on the fact that a full-time job for him in Houston would give him more frequent and regular time with our son (i.e. most evenings and weekends), but not necessarily more quality time with him since mornings and days are when he is the happiest and most interactive.
However, in spite of my doubt, I can report that some of the rumored perks of rotation life have surfaced now that I am emerging from my newborn-care cave. My husband has been home for a few weeks and many of the days have felt like a nice long weekend days with all of us spending time together and with him being a full-time dad, while giving me some breaks from my daily grind activities. We enjoy breakfasts out on weekdays and we share parenting duties very equitably. He gives me breaks to be crafty and get back in shape, I give him breaks to study for his master's degree. The other fifty percent of the time, we both have full-time jobs: his job is to support us financially and my job is to sustain the home and family operations. I'm still not convinced that I want this for the long term, but I hate it less this "hitch" than I did last time around, so who knows what our conclusion will be.
I'm curious who else out there who would try it.
November 25, 2013
Cliff Notes: Newborns
Many of my friends are either pregnant or are planning to be not far in the future, but have not really spent much time with babies, just as I had not prior to the arrival of our son. This post is for you. It is a wee primer on what I have learned so far, and truth be told, it would have helped me enormously to know these things before coming home from the hospital with a tiny infant in my care.
- White noise is not cheating. It is a necessity, not a crutch. Apparently it recreates the whooshing noisy atmosphere of the womb, where your new baby surprisingly would prefer to be. Restaurants are also sometimes good for the white noise effect, although this can backfire.
- Most babies want to be held most of the time. Enjoy this before they get heavy and squirmy.
- Motion is essential: rocking, car rides, swings, jiggling, and walking all count.
- Babies, even if full-term, are not finished developing yet when they are born. They can't hold anything except your finger and they can only see approximately twelve inches from their faces.
- Things that are snuggly and close-fitting (and that seem as though they would be terribly uncomfortable) are soothing to the tiny ones. Hence, swaddles. They also can't control their arms, and they hit themselves in the face as a result. The hitting results in them being startled or woken up. Really, check out swaddling.
- Babies, much like my husband, use sleep as a system lockdown if they are overwhelmed. They are easily and often over-stimulated. Normal everyday settings, such as Target or a neighborhood park, or even a visit with an overly enthusiastic loved one, are sensory explosions and can provoke either crying or sleeping, or both. This is why you see sleepy, blissfully unaware babies in their carriers at restaurants.
- Tiny children love tiny babies. They say "baby" or something like it, and point, when you walk by with your baby.
- When babies "tell you" that they are hungry, there are specific signs. Even baby amateurs like me can learn the signs. Newborns are hungry all the time. I'm not exaggerating. Their stomachs are the size of a marble when they are born and grow to the size of an egg by their tenth day. Which explains why they need to eat so often and why they become ornery if you overfeed them-there is no room in there!
- Toys that appear cheesy and lame seem to make babies (and then as a result even their hipster design-obsessed parents) happy.
- Babies look longer at things that surprise them and they look away from things that bore them.
- Babies have to learn to connect their sleep cycles. They learn to do this by learning how to self-soothe in-between the cycles (which are shorter than adult sleep cycles). If they fall back asleep on their own even once, that is the beginning of them sleeping through the night.
- Babies are a great excuse to stay home, take it easy and/or to go to bed early.
November 21, 2013
Stroller Walking
The sidewalks of Houston are a study in extreme disrepair. They are broken, multi-level, interrupted, sometimes non-existent, often blocked by vehicles, frequently encroached on by rowdy plant matter, and definitely not wheelchair or stroller-friendly. As a result, I expected to grow extremely annoyed with my neighborhood while walking with the stroller. The opposite has happened; I have grown more fond of this area as our daily walks have caused me to notice more features which have further endeared it to me. Also I feel gratitude for the sturdy construction of our stroller.
I discovered, and later visited, a museum of print history. It is on a side street and in an unassuming building that I almost didn't notice when I initially passed by. Eventually it turned out to be a pleasant and stroller-friendly activity while my mom was visiting for the weekend. It was especially excellent that there was a food truck out front and we were pleased with said truck's offerings.
I discovered, and later visited, a museum of print history. It is on a side street and in an unassuming building that I almost didn't notice when I initially passed by. Eventually it turned out to be a pleasant and stroller-friendly activity while my mom was visiting for the weekend. It was especially excellent that there was a food truck out front and we were pleased with said truck's offerings.
November 02, 2013
Another Festival of Quilts
I can't believe it's been a year since I went to the Quilt Festival here in Houston. Suddenly it's that time again. I heard on the radio this week that the festival draws over sixty-thousand attendees and that quilters spend more money on quilting than hunters spend on hunting and golfers spend on golf, which kind of boggles the mind. Regardless of the hoopla, I just go to see the amazing display quilts from around the world.
It is bizarre how everything is different in my life than it was a year ago, and it all started just after the festival last year. Last year I hung around the festival with my camera for hours, exploring and admiring the art. This year, I raced around the festival with my camera in my diaper bag and my baby in the stroller. I held my breath for most of the time and finally did a slower, more leisurely stroll only after I was certain that I had seen the highlights, lest I miss anything if the baby erupted. But he hung in there, and I enjoyed a decent overview.
I was not as taken with this year's quilts as I was with those from last year, but they were beautiful and inspiring nonetheless. The highlights for me this year were other details, like the fact that the friendly and enthusiastic ticket-taker at the door greeted me with "You must be from Wisconsin!", which was remarkable since I had never seen him in my life. Even though I'm not from Wisconsin, from down here Minnesota and Wisconsin are essentially the same thing, so I was willing to consider that an accurate statement. Then I realized that he figured it out because I was wearing a sleeveless top and it was only 72 degrees outside. For Houstonians, this constitutes a chill in the air.
Another aspect of the festival that amused me this year that I didn't notice last year was the husband's lounge. It was a walled-off area in the back of the convention hall equipped with a big TV and a bunch of comfy armchairs and lounge chairs. Pretty smart, and thoughtful, in my opinion.
There was something else I noticed this year that had nothing to do with quilts. I noticed how many people in the world love babies. As a person who has always feared them desperately, this fact never ceases to amaze me. A sleeping baby in a stroller is a grandma magnet, and I was in a convention hall overflowing with grannies. It's really fun walking past people who reflexively smile and get a little dreamy, giggly look on their faces when they look at your tiny companion.
Regardless, there were also beautiful quilts. Here is a sampling of what I saw:
It is bizarre how everything is different in my life than it was a year ago, and it all started just after the festival last year. Last year I hung around the festival with my camera for hours, exploring and admiring the art. This year, I raced around the festival with my camera in my diaper bag and my baby in the stroller. I held my breath for most of the time and finally did a slower, more leisurely stroll only after I was certain that I had seen the highlights, lest I miss anything if the baby erupted. But he hung in there, and I enjoyed a decent overview.
I was not as taken with this year's quilts as I was with those from last year, but they were beautiful and inspiring nonetheless. The highlights for me this year were other details, like the fact that the friendly and enthusiastic ticket-taker at the door greeted me with "You must be from Wisconsin!", which was remarkable since I had never seen him in my life. Even though I'm not from Wisconsin, from down here Minnesota and Wisconsin are essentially the same thing, so I was willing to consider that an accurate statement. Then I realized that he figured it out because I was wearing a sleeveless top and it was only 72 degrees outside. For Houstonians, this constitutes a chill in the air.
Another aspect of the festival that amused me this year that I didn't notice last year was the husband's lounge. It was a walled-off area in the back of the convention hall equipped with a big TV and a bunch of comfy armchairs and lounge chairs. Pretty smart, and thoughtful, in my opinion.
There was something else I noticed this year that had nothing to do with quilts. I noticed how many people in the world love babies. As a person who has always feared them desperately, this fact never ceases to amaze me. A sleeping baby in a stroller is a grandma magnet, and I was in a convention hall overflowing with grannies. It's really fun walking past people who reflexively smile and get a little dreamy, giggly look on their faces when they look at your tiny companion.
Regardless, there were also beautiful quilts. Here is a sampling of what I saw:
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